Depression and Anxiety Sucks!
We've all had our bad days...but does everybody have bad weeks....months? I guess so. I feel like an ant trying to store food during a blizzard, or a salmon trying to swim up the river. Maybe a bad analogy, but I seem to have lost my zeal for life.
I wasn't feeling well tonight and with a huge paper due in the morning, I decided to go to the pharmacy for a thermometer because I was having hot and cold flashes. About 30 minutes before I left I was feeling dizzy, knowing that I run a blood sugar in the low 40's at night, I ate a tangerine thinking it would bounce back up in a few minutes and I would feel fine. This never happened though, I started feeling nauseated and my mouth started watering like I was going to vomit. I drank a glass of water and hurried over to the pharmacy to get that thermometer before my symptoms worsened and I was unable to drive (truthfully I had probably already hit that point). When I get to the pharmacy desk to be sure that I'm buying a quality and reliable thermometer, the Pharmacist asks the dreaded question..."Are you okay?" Unfortunately for him, I wasn't and I started bawling immediately. Without going into details about the specifics of my life but sticking more to the symptoms that I was feeling, I proceeded to tell him what was wrong and that I have been sleeping for 12-15 hours per night. With a shocked look on his face, he politely tells me that I should see a doctor soon to get my anxiety and depression under control. I know that I'm crazy...I don't need to pay money for someone to tell me that! I also don't want to subject myself to anti-depressants which have some rather foul side-effects, nor do I want to admit that I have and/or treat my likely Diabetes. I have all the classic symptoms of depression, currently and several times in the past few weeks, the signs of an anxiety attack, and have (for at least 4 or 5 years) the symptoms of Hypoglycemia...and with my diet now, quickly moving into Diabetes. To say the least, I feel terrible, both physically and mentally. I guess sometimes it just helps to say it all out loud.
Sorry that you all, all two of you that read this, had to temporarily feel my "pain" but take it lightly and don't let it ruin your day. Hope you all are doing much better than I am. Have a good day and like Mary Kay always says, "Fake it 'til you make it!" If I pretend to smile I will eventually feel better and it will become a real smile. So help me out and share smiles with the people around you, maybe I can feel some of your happiness through smiling-osmosis!
Why do salmon swim up the river? Don't they know they won't make it? I guess they are a little more glass-half-full than I am right now.
I wasn't feeling well tonight and with a huge paper due in the morning, I decided to go to the pharmacy for a thermometer because I was having hot and cold flashes. About 30 minutes before I left I was feeling dizzy, knowing that I run a blood sugar in the low 40's at night, I ate a tangerine thinking it would bounce back up in a few minutes and I would feel fine. This never happened though, I started feeling nauseated and my mouth started watering like I was going to vomit. I drank a glass of water and hurried over to the pharmacy to get that thermometer before my symptoms worsened and I was unable to drive (truthfully I had probably already hit that point). When I get to the pharmacy desk to be sure that I'm buying a quality and reliable thermometer, the Pharmacist asks the dreaded question..."Are you okay?" Unfortunately for him, I wasn't and I started bawling immediately. Without going into details about the specifics of my life but sticking more to the symptoms that I was feeling, I proceeded to tell him what was wrong and that I have been sleeping for 12-15 hours per night. With a shocked look on his face, he politely tells me that I should see a doctor soon to get my anxiety and depression under control. I know that I'm crazy...I don't need to pay money for someone to tell me that! I also don't want to subject myself to anti-depressants which have some rather foul side-effects, nor do I want to admit that I have and/or treat my likely Diabetes. I have all the classic symptoms of depression, currently and several times in the past few weeks, the signs of an anxiety attack, and have (for at least 4 or 5 years) the symptoms of Hypoglycemia...and with my diet now, quickly moving into Diabetes. To say the least, I feel terrible, both physically and mentally. I guess sometimes it just helps to say it all out loud.
Sorry that you all, all two of you that read this, had to temporarily feel my "pain" but take it lightly and don't let it ruin your day. Hope you all are doing much better than I am. Have a good day and like Mary Kay always says, "Fake it 'til you make it!" If I pretend to smile I will eventually feel better and it will become a real smile. So help me out and share smiles with the people around you, maybe I can feel some of your happiness through smiling-osmosis!
Why do salmon swim up the river? Don't they know they won't make it? I guess they are a little more glass-half-full than I am right now.
posted by X's and O's @ 12:48 AM
2 Comments:
At 5:24 PM,
CrazyUncle said…
SAS, whazzup? I am guessing that you are perhaps feeling a bit depressed? Believe me. I can understand that. These past 8 months have been a test for my whole family, but especially for me. Listen, you should consider ensuring that you are physically sound (yes, medicine if needed) and then get hold of your emotional/spiritual self. You are entering a hectic time for the next 3 months and need to be ready for them. Your whole future lies ahead, and we all want the best for you and Ryan. We will pray for you.
At 8:41 AM,
SuzieQ said…
Shelby, I am a bit worried about you. I just think that going to a doctor is not for the sole purpose of confirming you are crazy but to get some help for your current state before it deteriorates further. You need to start with someone like Dr. Brennan, since I had to switch to an HMO. He is great. I remember when I thought I had an ulcer and just talking to him made me feel better.
I have to say this: You don't have to be perfect and do everything perfectly. I know, you are perfect, no matter what....no matter what grade you get or where you live or what you serve at your wedding. It is OKAY! You are not FAKING IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT! You have made it! You are so awesome, you have no idea. Just sit back and BREATHE!! And...call the Dr.!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!
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